i have leukemia AND it's going to be ok (a.k.a f**k you, leukemia!)

a series of aches and pains (mainly in my right abdominal area) throughout this summer got to a point where it was annoying enough that i went to an internal med doc on august 30th to try to figure out what the heck was going on.  on 8/30 we talked about the symptoms and he decided "let's take blood, do an x-ray and a ct scan" as he supposed that it could be a kidney stone or perhaps a benign tumor on an organ.  with blood draws taken - i was then scheduled for the scans for the next afternoon.

early afternoon on 8/31 the doc called me at work to state that my white blood count was very high.  the normal range for a healthy female (not sure if it's based on age as well) is 6-12K.  mine was at 37K (which i'm finding that while it's very abnormal, it's also quite low compared to some folks that get diagnosed with leukemia).  he asked me to come in earlier for my appointment to give a urine sample in additional to the scans.  i peed in a cup and was scanned, and we met on the results right away.  nothing.  everything was clear.  this is when he started to share his concerns that he didn't think the high white count indicated an infection (which is the first thing that is looked at with a high white count) and that we needed to start thinking about things that could be going on with my blood...including big scary words like "leukemia" and "lymphoma".   we decided that the next course of action was to take more blood to send to a pathologist...to take a closer look.  unfortunately, it was Labor Day weekend so i wouldn't know results until the follow week PLUS his bonehead nurse forgot to actually take the blood on 8/31 so i had to wait the whole long weekend and then give blood on 9/4.

time for your blood draw ms. cushing!  AH! AH! AH!

on 9/6 the doc called me to state that the pathologist noted abnormalities of my white blood cells and that he/she recommended that i have bone marrow biopsy done.  so on 9/10 i went to North Memorial Robbinsdale to have http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bone-marrow-biopsy/MY00305 done.  the details and explanation in this link make it sound much more scary and painful that it actually was for me.  i was happily sedated and given pain and anti anxiety meds, and bud got to stay in the room with me!  it takes about 30-40 minutes to complete the procedure, and then you have to stay for an additional 30 minutes to make sure you're not whackin' out from the meds.  bud drove me home and we spent the rest of the day chillin'.  i made it clear that 9/11 was my birthday and there was NO WAY i wanted to hear anything that day.  also, bud and i were going on vacation to denver the 12-17th and i didn't want to hear anything while we were gone whether good or bad news.  i just needed time to be away and not think about it.  so we set up the follow-up appointment for the afternoon of 9/18.

how could you NOT forget about your worries & strife with a view like this???

bud and i went together to the follow up appointment on 9/18 and had our first consultation with an oncologist yesterday afternoon.  we will meet with another on monday morning for a second opinion and decide who we like best.

here are the facts:

• i have Chronic Myeloid Leukemia http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/chronic-myelogenous-leukemia/DS00564; professionals and everyone else that has some knowledge about this type of leukemia (CML) all note that if one were to get cancer, this is the best one to get 
• it is slow moving (hence the word chronic) especially so if detected in the "chronic phase"
• it is extremely treatable although we learned yesterday that it didn't used to be so; there has been some amazing discoveries and advancements made in gene mutation and drugs to make this a fairly non life threatening disease. in order for CML to be 100% diagnosed, a genetic marker and/or mutation must be found called the "Philadelphia Chromosone" or "9;22 translocation" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philadelphia_chromosome.  I tested positive for this mutation so it's with 100% certainty that I have this type of Leukemia. 
• if treated right away, remission can be achieved with a drug called an "inhibitor". I will most likely take this one: http://www.gleevec.com/index.jsp.  These drugs specifically target the mutated part of the cell...killing them off until they are gone. if not treated, this type of leukemia, while slow moving, can easily get out of hand and at some point accelerate quickly and/or mutate into other weird and worse forms of cancer
• NO CHEMO! NO HAIR LOSS!
• NO RADIATION!
• NO BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT!  These treatments would only be necessary if for some reason my body does not respond to the inhibitor drugs but there is tremendous success shown with the drugs so the likelihood of moving towards one of these more aggressive treatments is low.  
• the only 100% cure for CML (barring a miracle from the good Lord) is B.M.T., so I will have CML for the rest of my life.  
• from today's vantage point, I will only need to take 1 pill a day with periodic blood tests to make sure the bad stuff is at bay.  I am expected to live a long, healthy life with minimal symptoms and side affects.  praise the Lord of Hosts on high!!!

i've somehow always known i was part mutant...you know you're jealous.  

more facts...perhaps the most important of all

• i'm going to be OK and so is Bud and so are we (i love you SO much, my honey!)
• prior to ALL of this craziness....God and i have been wrestling through some things together.  questions.  heart ache.  ponderings.  wonderings.  and as crazy as it sounds...all of this craziness answers a lot of said questions. therefore...
• i count all of this as a gift
• and while i've had some mega emotions going on with all of this in the past few weeks...i'm not afraid
• i have an AMAZING community of people in my life.  family, friends, coworkers. all amazing.  i am incredibly grateful.  a special call out to my sister.  you are making a difference and i hope you know what that means.  that's all i have to say about that.  :)
• i am convinced of His love for me and it calls me to love Him more

i stumbled across this verse the same evening of receiving my diagnosis, so in conclusion...

"She is not afraid of bad news; her heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.  Her heart is steady; she will not be afraid, until she looks at her in triumph on her adversaries.  -Psalm 112:7-8