so it begins...

as you may have seen on Facebook...my drug dealer gave me the amazing news on 10/11 that my drug would only cost $25/month.  TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS!  the amount of relief that i felt at that news was nearly palatable.  thank you God!  with that information in hand - i called the specialty pharmacy to have my first month's worth of meds sent to me...at work.  and just on 10/19...it arrived.  in a giant scary bag that said "Chemotherapy Drugs".  GAH!  we have since learned that the word "chemotherapy" is used for any drugs that are used to treat cancer but good heavens that was a shocker at first!

taking my first dose that night was bittersweet.  it was sweet to get started on treatment but bitter knowing that i will likely take this drug or something similar to it for the rest of my life. my doctor encouraged me to think of it like taking daily treatment for diabetes or high cholesterol. that thought does help although somedays i want to shout "screw that - i have CANCER so it's NOT the same!"  the discoveries and advancements in treatment for this type of leukemia is astounding and i am sure i will read the below articles during times where i need encouragement in this journey. they are long articles but so worth the read, especially if you're interesting in getting educated on what i'm taking...well, to save my life (i can barely type those words, let alone say them out loud).

http://www.innovation.org/index.cfm/StoriesofInnovation/InnovatorStories/The_Story_of_Gleevec: this gives good information on the historical account of how Gleevec (and these types of drugs) came to be and THE man that made it happen.  i would love to give him a giant hug.  
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/A-Victory-in-the-War-Against-Cancer.html?c=y&page=1: this gives patient testimonies of how this drug has saved/affected their lives.  very encouraging for me.


i had a haircut about a week after starting treatment. upon arriving at the salon, i realized two things. number one: i am incredibly blessed/lucky and grateful to be able to keep my hair (until further notice). i didn't realize how attached i was to my hair until the possibility of chemo was staring me in the face.  i mean, let's face it, i have kick ass hair! (oh yes, I did just say that!) and all of a sudden, in my mind, it was gone, and along with it a big part of my outward identity.  when i heard that my treatment plan only involved a pill-a-day and no hair loss - i was ecstatic! i also felt this strange tension and guilt, but that is a whole other blog entry.  number two: it struck me upon seeing my hair stylist, Nina, that she has been part of my life at many significant moments.  she worked at my aunt's salon where i worked my first job at 15.  she did my hair for both my junior and senior proms which i went to with bud...in our budding relationship (har.har.har.).  she did Bud & my hair for our wedding ten years ago, and stil snippin' away at our locks. it's amazing how much hair stylists can be your best friend, your therapist and your stylist...all rolled into one.  she also has a serious addiction to styling my hair, and the thought of telling her that she would have to shave my head (before learning of my treatment plan) was unbearable!  she has been a listening ear, serious comedic relief, a big sister at times, a therapist, a faithful prayer, and all around fabulous individual.  i guess i'm not totally sure why that moment struck me as it did but it's important.  i guess part of it is to say...be aware of the people in your life that have made a real difference...even if "they only do your hair". sometimes those people can make a deep impact on your life.  i love you, nina.  you are one of those people.

it's been two weeks today that i've started my CML treatment. my first dose did NOT go well. the first 24 hours, i was incredibly nauseous and learned quickly that i need to take it with food...as in, whilst consuming food...not just on a full tummy.  the days since have been better but i have experienced some side effects.  nausea and diarrhea seem to come and go, and only gets bad when i don't eat enough with the dose.  so bigger, fuller breakfasts are in order!  ironically, some of the symptoms of CML AND side effects of Gleevec are the same; namely, muscle pain/weakness and joint pain.  i have been experiencing that off and on as well.  this past saturday, in fact, was really bad. i'm hoping that it subsides as the Gleevec works its magic on my bad cells but i'm learning through a FB support page that i joined that there are natural remedies to treat it should it continue. yay!


i am glad to have started treatment but in doing so it feels more real.  i have Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. i have leukemia.  i have cancer. i have CANCER!  thoughts and feelings around that, in some capacity, shall come in future posts. thanks to all for your care and support.  it means so much.